A Thing About Rings
by Hawki
Summary: Movieverse Oneshot: "So long, Special Zone, and thanks for all the fish."


_A/N_

_So the trailer for the Sonic movie was released and the best thing I can say about it is that it doesn't look like a complete trainwreck. Like, still a wreck, but the kind of wreck that might have some entertainment value to it? Maybe? Possibly?_

_Dunno. But I drabbled this up regardless._

* * *

**A Thing About Rings**

"Tom? Are you okay? Tom!"

"Fish…birds…rings…so many rings…"

"Stay with me man!"

"Twirly maze, twirly maze, so amazed, so amazed…"

Sonic sighed. "Knew it. He's got ring syndrome."

"Rotating rotating, looking for the pretty stone…"

"Though is ring syndrome a thing?" He put a hand to his chin and started tapping his foot on the grass. "Better ask Tails. Provided I ever get home that is."

"Rings…things…springs…"

"Yeah man, you don't want to go on springs, trust me. Well, least not the red ones."

Tom continued to babble and Sonic sighed.

He could leave him. He could just zoom off at a leisurely 450mph and let Tom be found by the other please men – the SSPD or something, but he wasn't sure what the acronym stood for. Super Sonic Pound Division? Certainly they'd been on his case ever since the please man on the ground before him had turned up.

"I could leave you know," Sonic said, as Tom continued to babble. "Still haven't forgotten about being shot with a dart. Which hurt, by the way, not that you ever asked."

"Rings…bombs…"

Sonic sighed – Tom was so far out of it that he'd gone from one corner of the Special Zone to the next. Gritting his teeth, he plucked a quill from his spine, the blue hair shimmering with the latent energy it contained. He crouched down and started tickling the human's nose with it.

"Come on, wake up," said Sonic.

Tom stopped babbling. His nose started twitching.

"There we go…"

"Ah…ah…ah…"

_Not sure if I thought this through actually._

"Choo!"

_Yep. Totally didn't._

Could have been worse – being knocked off your feet by a sneeze laced with kinetic energy? He'd experienced worse after all. Besides, least Tom's hair was sticking on end with static electricity. So that was good for a laugh.

"Ugh…" Tom groaned, rubbing his head. "What happened?"

"Seriously?" Sonic asked. He got to his feet and walked over to the please man. "You're really going to lead in with that?"

"What?"

"What happened. That's, like, the most cliché question there is apart from-"

"Where are we?"

Sonic sighed. "That."

"What?"

"That. Like, you couldn't ask who are we, or, why are we?" He looked into Tom's eyes. "Deep questions there pal. You might crack the code to life, the universe, and everything."

"Forty-two."

"Huh?"

"Forty-two," Tom said. "Meaning of life is forty-two."

"Um, yeah dude. Groovy."

Maybe Tom was permanently brain damaged, Sonic reflected. Granted, half the people on this planet appeared to be brain damaged anyway, so maybe it wasn't too big a loss. Maybe because they were so tall, they had trouble getting blood to their brains. As Tom got to his feet, Sonic was once again reminded of the height difference. Back on Mobius, he'd only had to worry about Robotnik towering over him, but here? Here, he was a midget.

"Okay…where are we?" Tom asked. "Where's my car?"

"Answer to your first question is somewhere where your car isn't. Answer to your second question is where we left it."

Tom glared at him. "That isn't helping."

"Well excuse me mister please man."

"Please man?"

"I was just saving us from Ro_butt_nik's robots."

"Huh?"

"Y'know, the robots. The ones chasing us down the freeway. And by us, I mean you, because I could have outpaced them and left you to the good doctor." Sonic smirked. "You're welcome by the way."

"But…my car…" Tom looked around. "Where's my car?"

"Like I said, it isn't here."

"What's my car?"

"Probably a slag heap and gah!"

It was so humiliating, being caught off-guard by this slowpoke again. Even worse that he was being shaken and yelled at. Something about cars, and robots, and fish, and-

"Snap out of it!"

Tom dropped him.

"Forget the fish! There's no more fish!"

Tom staggered back before collapsing on the grass. Sonic sighed.

_I could just leave you here. It would make my life easier._

"So…my car's not here," Tom said.

"Nup."

"And we're not where my car is."

"Correct."

"Then how did we get from…" Tom made gestures with his hands. "Here, to…here?"

"Oh, simple. I used a warp ring."

"A what?"

Sonic flicked his right hand and in it appeared a single golden ring. "Warp ring. Miniaturized form of the special rings found on Mobius. Good for a quick getaway. Like, an even quicker getaway. Usually I don't need them but, well, robot. Robotnik. Car. You. Slow." He flicked his hand and the ring disappeared again. "Capiche?"

"I…guess."

"Good. Because we better get going. Gotta go fast and-"

"But…I saw fish," Tom said. "And birds. And some kind of floating maze."

"Oh yeah. They're denizens of the Special Zone."

"The what?"

"That's how the warp rings work y'see?" Sonic held up both his hands. "Think of this as point a…" He nodded to his left hand. "And this as point b." He nodded to his right. "I use a ring, we get from a to b. But to do that, we briefly dip into the Special Zone. Kind of like a shortcut through time and space."

"And…you built these?"

"Heck no. Tails did."

"Tails?"

"Yes, Tails. Two-tailed fox who never stops asking questions. You'd love him."

"You have a two-tailed fox as a friend?"

"Yeah? Why?" Sonic scowled. "Got something against foxes?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Anyway," Sonic said, deciding to give Tom the benefit of the doubt in assuming that he wasn't prejudiced against foxes. "I've gone into the Special Zone even before I got the warp rings, so I'm used to it. You though…" He gave Tom's leg a shove, as he couldn't reach his arm or shoulder. "Well, first time for everything. I guess in the split second between points a and b, the Special Zone kind of fried your brain or something."

"But…the fish…the birds…"

"Yes, the Special Zone has fish and birds, what of it?" Sonic snapped. "What? You're not only prejudiced against foxes, but fish and birds as well?"

Tom held out both his hands and flexed them as he looked from left to right. From what Sonic guessed was a fish and a bird. "I could swear they were calling my name…"

"They weren't. Trust me."

"The bird said so long, and thanks for all the fish. The fish said it would kill all the birds with one stone. And then the-"

Sonic jumped up into a ball and hit the please man on the head.

"Ow!"

"Yeah, that was meant to hurt." Sonic clicked his fingers. "Now snap out of it. Robotnik's on our tail, and, well, not that you have a tail, but if he catches you bad stuff will happen, and I'd rather not have to deal with that."

"So…you do care?"

"I care about stopping Ro_butt_nik and getting home. You're just…I dunno, part of the package."

"Charmed."

The two began walking across the grass. Or, rather, Tom began walking, and Sonic followed.

* * *

"You have no idea where we are do you?" Sonic asked.

"Yes I do. We're in the United States."

"United Federation?"

"No, United States." He frowned. "Why Federation? You have _Star Trek _on your planet?"

Sonic shrugged. "Nevermind. But where are we exactly in these United States?"

"And?"

"And…" Tom sighed. "Fine. I admit it. I don't know where we are." He flopped down on the ground.

"Great," Sonic said. "Absolutely great." He began pacing around. "Didn't have to be this way you know? I was fine until you picked me up with the speedothingy-"

"Speedometer."

"And reported me to the please men."

"Policemen."

"But _no _– you had to get Ro_butt_nik involved, and me involved, and…" Sonic spun around in the grass for a second before standing tall again. "Hard enough to protect one planet from that weirdo, let alone two."

"Hey, I think we can handle ourselves."

"Oh yeah?" Sonic said. "Then why don't I just head off now?"

"You wouldn't."

"Yeah? How come?"

"Because…" Tom searched for words.

"I'm waiting…" Sonic began tapping his foot.

"Because you're a hedgehog…alien…thing…with a human heart…and you're of sound moral character and wouldn't leave me to die out here." He smiled as only an idiot could.

"Wow," Sonic said. "That was, like, the worst argument ever. Of all time."

"So you're not of sound moral character?"

"I'm not…I mean I am…but…gah!" He threw up his hands. "Just so you know, I'm the only real hedgehog on this planet. Hedgehogs here, they're…well they're…" He put his hands together. "They're tiny man! Tiny!"

"Yeah, I know. Hedgehogs here don't tend to go fast unless they stick to the wheel of the car that ran them over."

Sonic raised an eyebrow. "Dude…dark."

Tom shrugged and flopped over in the grass.

"Special Zone still getting to you?"

Tom groaned and rubbed his face. "I can still see the fish…"

"Count yourself lucky you didn't go on the half-pipe. There's bombs there."

Tom whistled. "Sounds like Mobius is a weird place."

"Hey, Mobius is fine. It's way better than this crummy planet."

"Really? How?"

"Because….because it's got loops! And springs! And spikes! And…and air bubbles that I can float up in."

"So…it's a weird place."

"I…" Sonic raised a hand, ready to make a point, but instead dropped it. "Fine. It's a weird place."

Tom groaned again. As he rubbed his face, Sonic saw something.

"Hey, what's that?"

"What's what?" he moaned.

"That. On the fourth finger of your left hand."

"Huh? This?" He sat up and looked at it. "Oh. It's my wedding ring."

Sonic stared at him.

"Like, I'm married."

Sonic stared at him.

"You…do know what marriage is don't you?"

"Um…no. Not a clue."

"Seriously?"

"Well, there's this pink hedgehog that wants me to marry her, and she's somehow able to find me wherever I go, but she's never actually explained what marriage is."

"Okay…"

"She usually just yells Sonikuu." Sonic scowled. "Girl's not only crazy, she can't even pronounce my name right."

"Um, yeah, I don't know anything about pink hedgehogs, or blue hedgehogs, or black hedgehogs…" Tom said. "But marriage is like…like there's a person you really care about, and you care about them so much that you want to spend your entire life with them. And they care about you so much that they want to spend their life with you, and-"

"Okay, okay," said Sonic. "Sheesh, lay off the nightmare fuel."

"Come on," said Tom, smiling. "It ain't that bad."

"Nah. Kinda does." Sonic stretched. "Well, it's been fun discussing marriage, and rings, and fish, and birds, but I'm gonna go for a run."

"What, you're leaving me?"

"I…" Sonic sighed. "No. Not yet. Figure if Ro_butt_nik finds you, you'll have as much chance as a flicky in a room full of iggies."

"…what?"

"Yeah, don't ask," said Sonic, shuddering. "Telling you man, it's nightmare fuel."

Tom went to say something else but Sonic didn't give him the chance. He just zoomed off.

Had to go fast and all that.


End file.
